ELEPHANT IN VAUDVILLE (1)

When old George finally retired after almost 70 years as a stagehand, all in the same theater even though the theater changed owners and names many times during George’s employ, he did in retirement, as he did when working, he sat in his special booth at the Napoli restaurant and talked to anyone who cared to listen, even if he had told the same stories over and over. A lot of stories from his 70 years as a stagehand.

Here’s my favorite, about the elephant in Vaudeville, prefaced by how young George started working, first as a gofer and eventually a stagehand, when he was barely ten years old.

As Told By Old George

(many times)

Yup, when I got to be ten I knew it was time to earn more money than I had been by mowing grass and shoveling snow. I heard about the bill poster who worked out of the basement of the Hennepen Vaudeville House, in downtown Minneapolis. And how he had a lot of kids posting handbills for him. I went to the theater to try and get paid for posting bills.

Bills were advertisements for a coming attraction like a circus or a big name entertainer, politicians before elections. A kid took a canvas sack full of handbills, a brush and bucket of paste. You pasted the bills on any surface, a building, a fence, a light pole, over a previous posted handbill, but never on a US Post Office street- mail box. And throwing any away or bringing any back was the end of the job for the slacker.

The Hennepen, aka the Orpheum, was a first class vaudeville house on the Keith-Albee circuit presenting the biggest names in the business like the Marx Brothers, Jack Benny, etc.. Three shows a day, noon and two in the evening. Seven days a week. When I got there, they were loading in sets and drops for some upcoming acts. I stood there and watched, fascinated. Waiting to sneak in that loading dock door and get to the basement.

‘Hey, kid’, the big guy, obviously the boss, came up to me and said, ‘Go to Cal’s Hardware…You know where Cal’s is?’ I lied and nodded yes. ‘ Tell him Big Irv needs six stage pegs and a spool of trick line. And get it back here in a hurry.’

I tool off running and asked the first cop I saw where Cal’s was. Mrs. Cal took care of me and I made good time getting it back to Irv. Irv flipped me a nickel and told me to run to the saloon down the street and tell em Big Irv wants a quart of beer. This time Irv flipped me a dime and told me I was a darn good gofer and I should hang around the loading door or the stage door. I did and made more money than I could have posting handbills, with a lot more fun and variety. And I got quite an education. Learned things I never would have learned in school or catechism.

The elephant story started with a hoofer, song and dance man, named Will Stromers. He hung around backstage by the front masking leg hoping an act would get sick. or not show up on time and they would put him on stage. Hoping to break a leg.

(Break a leg means get past that first masking leg and onto the stage. You didn’t get paid until you broke that leg. So to wish a person good luck, you tell him To Break A Leg.)

Will Stromers was a hustler. Fair entertainer, but one heck of a poker player, especially on hands that he dealt.

(Will and I hit it off from the start. He tried to teach me his brand of poker, a little slight of the hand with the cards and a way to read the other players. He had a tough tine getting me to do the slight of hand bit but I learned the reading the other players by his telling me in great detail every move in his two biggest hands, winning a share of the &Company act and winning his elephant.)

On one such hand he told me about was how he cleaned out Roper of Roper&Company for Roper’s share of the act. He now owned half of a above average dog and pony show, as well as a half interest in a Model T Ford and a big trailer to transport the act that also could be place to sleep in if the money was tight. He had an interest in &Company. She was a looker and was the big attraction when she was on stage. She was a looker even when she was wearing her bib overalls to work in. But his interest in &Company was just like Roper’ strictly wishful thinking. Roper warned him, try to come on to &Company and she’ll sic the dogs on you. She had a partner in the act, not in bedroom.

In the act, Roper had worn a Stetson hat and cowboy clothes while he did rope tricks.

When Will flopped at trying to twirl a lasso, &Company suggested that Will wear a sombrero and Mexican cowboy clothes and a fake bandito mustace, learn to crack a bullwhip and do a lot of pointing. The act became Carlos&Company.

Learning to crack the bullwhip was both pains taking and painful. The pony hated him and was forever trying to hit him with its hind legs. &Company warned him to just learn to jump out of the way and never try to retaliate. The audiences loved it.

The act broke legs all around the big circuit. Will still played poker but for small stakes and on the up and up.

Until the day Will walked to the stage door and saw Timbo and his elephant Jimbo. Timbo was beating on the elephant with his bullhook and poking Jimbo with the sharp end. ‘What did he do to get a beating like that?’ Will asked.

‘Just giving her a pre- show wake-up call so she does okay in the act. Wake up, you son of a bitch!’

‘Is that its name?’ Will asked. ‘I thought its a female.’

‘Yeah, but the son of a bitch answers better to that name. My grandfather gave her this name when he bought her for me.’

‘Your grandfather?’

Yeah. I use to be a song and dance man until the old man saw me perform. Figured I’d go farther with a different act. Bought this animal and hired a circus roustabout to teach it tricks.’

‘And to teach you how to beat the crap out of her,’ Will mumbled. ‘Say, there’s a friendly poker game in the green room after the last show. You like poker?’ Will asked stretching the truth, knowing full well this jerk’s ego compelled the jerk to believe he was a real card shark.

The first thing Will had to do to have the promised game was to round up some others to play. &Company said sure, and so did four stagehands.

Even when he wasn’t dealing, Will used his skill to see to it that &Company was winning and Timor was losing. He left the hands fend for themselves.

The sun was just cracking when Will was ready to go for the jerk’s jugular. Seven card straight, Will dealing. Will gave Timbo ace up, two aces in the hole. Will showed a two of hearts. The next three cards gave Timbo a pair of eights and a smile to his face. He bet big, forcing everyone to fold. Almost everyone. As he was reaching to pull in the pot, Will met the bet, emptied his pockets and borrowed more from &Company. Timor called. He figured a raise here might cause Will to fold.

It looked like Will was betting a flush. The final card. Down. Timor’s pair showing, gave him first bet. Will followed by seeing the bet and raising. Not enough money to raise, he used his interest in Carlos&Company in order to raise and get more collateral to continue.

&Company quickly gave him a dirty look and a kick in the shins.

The bickering over the worth of Carlos&Company resulted in Will calling and another raise. A big one. Timor was hooked and Will was reeling him in.

Timor put up the elephant, the trailer, even the Tin Lizzy. Not afraid to bet it all because he trusted his aces full. He laid down his hand and told Will to show his flush, which Will did, pulling out the necessary deuce. As Timor reached for the goodies, Will told him to forget the flush and look at his four of a kind deuces.

‘Ain’t they beauties?’ Will smiled. ‘Looks like you’ll have to get another grubstake from grandpa,’ Will added.

‘Yup’, Timor said, in disgust. ‘Tell you what, you grubstake me enough to get to grandpa and I ’ll give you the extra feed for the son of a bitch, the saddle kids can ride in, the bullhook’…

‘You can take the bullhook and sit on…hard. Bring it with you and grandpa can use it for a fireplace poker.’ Will could have argued that all that came with the elephant anyway, but he just wanted this jerk gone.

‘And throw in the safari costume and anything else pertaining to the act and its a deal,’ &Company said.

Timor started walking across the street to the bus station. Will went and whispered in Jimbo’s ear. Jimbo raised her trunk and bellowed. Will found out two things: he was an elephant whisperer and that elephant loved him.

&Company laid out the new act. Trader Jack&Company. Will would wear the safari outfit, bring Tantar, the new name, on stage to join &Company, the dogs and the pony. Until Tantar could do tricks to fit the act, Will would do a of pointing, get the elephant to accept dog jumping on her, and staying away from the kicking pony. But the pony stopped kicking at Will after the elephant warned it to lay off the kicking.

&Company was genius, the new act was a smash and when she upped the price of the act to make up the expense of Tantar, the promoters were happy to meet it. Prior to the matinee and between the performances, Will sold rides to kids to add to the act’s coffers.

And then came the matinee where the elephant was in the wing waiting to go on, and she pissed in the hot pocket that the side lights were plugged into. DC current no less. Would have killed a man, but the elephant jumped forward and pulled free.

(Old George always smiled at this point. ‘Took a while,’ he would remark, ‘But I got to the elephant in Vaudeville story like I promised. I’ll finish up in a bit.’ And then, as always he lit a Camel cigarette, poured a fresh cup of coffee and leaned back, smiling thinking what he would tell in a bit.’)

Stay tuned for the conclusion