Oh, so much to deal with in this new world of the Virus. Now, just consider what an effect it is having on marriages. There will be lot of break-ups. Quarrels that will leave permanent scars. Then too, a great many will struggle through the bad times and become stronger because of it.
Now today you can get tips from every Tom, Dick, and Mary on every aspect of life in the time of the Virus, including how to cope with your spouse.
Here’s a few from Donald. No, not the thrice married sexist, who treats women like something on the bottom of his shoe, and who recently was told he hurt a lot of women with his words, shrugged it off with ‘Ah, they’ll get over it’.
(Believe me, your spouse might forgive, but will never forget.)
No, the Donald I am referring to has been married to his only wife for 59 plus years. This Donald, (well, yours truly), rode the roller coaster of marriage like people do and learned a lot about that institution from trial and error… a heck of a lot of the later. But my wonderful wife, Gina and I made it this far and are looking for many more years ahead.
Here’s a few things I learned as regards my relationship with my wife.
( The examples are from years ago and have been published, under a pen name, The Old Hand, in roughly the same detail, in the Bulletin Board of the St. Paul Pioneer Press, back in the day printed newspapers counted.)
GIVE HER HER SPACE. SHE’S WORKS HARD AND NEEDS TIME FOR HERSELF
I was reminded of a camping trip my wife took many years ago. It was a long weekend for most people and three sixteen hour days for me. My wife called me at work and said that being I wouldn’t be around much during the weekend, she was going to go camping with some of the girls at work. It was kind of amusing since my wife is certainly not the outdoorsy type. I told her to be sure and call when she got to the camping site and let me know the name of the campgrounds and the number of the camping site in case I had to reach her.
The next day there was voice mail from her. She said they were at the campgrounds and were waiting to go up to their site. The name of the campgrounds was the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. The number of the site was Room 1313.
COMFORT COMES BEFORE FASHION
Many years ago, somebody decided to stop giving cash gratuities to stagehands and throw them a tee shirt instead. As a result my sons and I accumulated hundreds of the darn things.
I tended to divide them into three categories. The ones fit to wear in public. The ones fit to wear for work projects around the house and yard. And the ones fit only to wear in the garage when working on the car.
My wife on the other hand tended to grab what was handy or what color suited her, without paying any attention to what was written on it.
I can only imagine the look on the faces of the shoppers in the grocery story at the sight of a grocery cart with a fidgety toddler in it, which was being pushed by a sweet-grandmotherly woman who was wearing a tee shirt that proclaimed: I did drugs with Marilyn Manson.
SILENCE IS GOLDEN
ESPECIALLY IF THERE IS SOMEONE TO SAY
WHAT YOU WERE THINKING
My wife had just come back from getting a permanent. She hadn’t had time to comb out the frizzled curls. Two of the young granddaughters just stood and stared at her. She asked if liked her new hair do. Jena, four, was noncommittal… just rolled her eyes and walked away.
Five year old Jada, however stayed, looking up at her Grandma’s hair. She put her hands behind her back and remained silent. She took a deep breath and finally spoke, “Grandma, I…I think maybe I like your old hair better.”
Out of the mouths of babes oft comes truth and sometimes tact.
AND ABOVE ALL
THE FIRST FIFTY YEARS ARE THE HARDEST
Hope this tips prove helpful. And also the tips given by competent medical experts on what we all must do to STAY SAFE.
Disclaimer: I am not a certified Marriage Counselor. I have never read a book nor took a class on the subject. My thoughts come mainly from two sources, OJT, (On the Job Training) and SHK, (School of Hard Knocks).
I think these are great tips Don!
Congratulations on 59 years! That makes you an expert and you can now charge for your valuable tips! We have 38 years this fall, so it will be a while till we make your milestone. 🙂
38 is a very good milestone. Congrats, Susanne. You must have some good tips also.
Perhaps I do! But yours were good ones too!:)
I too have been married over 50 decades — I mean, years — so I can well empathize with — I mean, relate to — your “tips.” Here are a few more I find worth sharing:
“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds — they mature slowly.” –Peter De Vries
“The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents, and none of the incidents as disasters.” –Harold Nicholson
“The man who has been married many years knows more about marriage than the man who has been married many times.” –Evan Esar
Great quotes, Muse. Words to live by even for us 50 years plus.
Don, my husband and I could not survive without some separate interests along with those we share. My boss once had a plaque in her office that said “My idea of roughing it is staying in a hotel with no room service”. Sounds like you have put the work in to make it a successful union.
Looking back we did work at it, Maggie. And now, I realize just how much happiness that work has brought us.
So my saying, “marriage is like a bath – – – it’s not so hot once you get used to it” doesn’t apply? LOL. All great tips. I must keep the camping idea in mind 🙂
LOL> Kind of like the saying, ‘Marriage is an institution, but who would want to live in an institution’. Especially because there’s never hot water for a bath.
Golden words…I wish my husband could read them…but he hates reading. I think he is the only one in the family who never checks my blog…so if I have to hide a secret from him, I will write it on my blog, AND ask him to read. Then, he’ll fiddle around with his phone for sometime and then, forget…
LOL There’s that saying, A prophet is never recognized in her own country.
And then, there’s my dad. I asked him to make a list of 20 of my stories (out of 350) that were worth putting in a book. He said, there wouldn’t be enough.
Charming, my friend, and congratulations!
Thank you, Miss Blue
OK Don … you gotta come over and talk to my lady.
I’ll supply the booze.
I love the camping trip and great T-shirt, your Missis sounds well cool!
That she is, Fraggle, Cool.
Your wife’s idea of a camping trip is more or less identical to my own.
Well done on all those years of marriage, Don. I have only managed 27 years so far, and that is to three different women.
Best wishes, Pete.
I also like her idea of camping, Pete. The only camping I ever did was in the Army. And as far as my marriage. I lucked out.
She’s a keeper!!
I agree, Bonnie
These tips are delightfully delicious. My husband and I have been married 43 years and I’ve kept it in perspective by reminding him he will always be my first husband (and hopefully my only husband.) I don’t have enough years left to break in a new one.
Ah, 43 years. Congrads to you and your husband. And love your reasoning.
After so many years of marriage you certainly qualify as a great adviser on marriage relations, it’s as they say:
“Marriage is the only war where one sleep with the enemy.”
Hell, I will say you are a veteran of countless battles!
So folks, pay attention what Don, has to say. 🙂
Space is very important in relationships for both parties because as much as people might be in love and all that, too much of someone in one’s face 24/7 can get very annoying.
All these tips are just so great. Than you for this. 💛💜❤️
Not only was this a great blog post (I especially love the MGM Grand surprise after imagining your wife and friends camping), but the comments afterwards were great to read as well. It is lovely to see the community which develops around particular blogs and bloggers…
Great advice and thanks for the humor about the t-shirt, it was what I needed this morning.
So glad it brought a little humor to your day
Great tips, Don 💙💙💙
Happy you liked them, Louisa.
I’ve reread your memories about your long married life : the are really funny and fascinating, Do you know that I envy you a little bit? My marriage broke up after twenty years 😦
Oh, sad to hear that, Luisa